my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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