don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
