whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
He's on the porch naked. Help.
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