Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
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