This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
