Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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