I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
