I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
