i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
no, he came in my armpit
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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