Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
