I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I love black thongs
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
We got so high we made milksteak
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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