i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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