Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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