My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
