I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Randomize
