How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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