and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
