She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I'm always down for nudity.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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