i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
