Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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