I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Randomize
