Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
