at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Randomize
