we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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