What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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