that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Randomize
