I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
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