Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
