# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
