wat bout pragnant strippers??
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
