You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
