doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
