Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
