he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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