Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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