she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
