Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
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