i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Never let your siblings swipe right.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
