I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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