I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
