Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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