My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
