just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
