Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Randomize
