eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
