I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
