There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
