she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
