Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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