seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
