Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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