I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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