we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
