I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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