Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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