omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
