Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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