He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Randomize
