when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
