Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
