Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
