i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
