Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
