Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
