just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
