We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
