checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
